Be your own best friend first. Learn how to respect yourself. If you can't respect yourself, then you can't respect others. Decide what boundaries are important to you and respect them. Not only is this healthy for you, but you'll also get enough practice and experience so that you'll be familiar in this area when respecting other people's boundaries. Understand what values are important to you and stick by them. Seek out others who honor those values because you'll only end up hurting yourself and possibly others if those people don't have the same values as you.
- Don't judge yourself too harshly. It's easy to hold ourselves to a really high standard sometimes, a standard that is impossible to uphold. If you're a perfectionist, learn to be a little forgiving toward yourself.
- Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Everyone feels vulnerable about some things, right? Don't be afraid to show your best friends the parts of yourself that are vulnerable. They won't care, and if they do, they might not be the right friend for you.
- If your friends kindly point out your faults and/or suggest you make certain changes to help your friendships blossom, don't automatically grow defensive or harbor bitter feelings against them. They are only trying to help you become a better person, and you should feel blessed to have such thoughtful friends. Also, if you improve yourself, you'll be able to prevent future friendships from being torn apart.
- However, if your friends aren't being very nice to you about your faults and picking on you for it, kindly let them know how you feel. If they refuse to stop, you may not want to spend as much time with them anymore.
Being yourself around someone is part of what makes you all best friends. You are who you are, and your best friend will accept that. Being "fake" could lead you to losing your best friend, and it gets tiring to be someone whom you're not. Be best friends with someone who you know you can be yourself around because it isn't worth it trying to be someone you're not in order to get closer to someone else.
- Don't hold things in. If you feel uncomfortable or have hard feelings toward your best friend, talk about it with them. It hurts even more when your friendship is being torn to bits while your friend has no idea how to fix it. Make things comfortable, and you'll both go through thick and thin together.
- Realize that your best friend may have other friends. Trust that you're really important to him or her and let your best friend have a social life outside of you. Love between friends is never jealous.
- To prevent loneliness from biting you, have a small circle of friends. That way, if one friend is unavailable or he/she turns out to be your enemy, you'll have other friends to support you. It's good to know as many people as possible, but only have a few close friends that you tell your secrets to.
- Don't keep secrets. Be open about what's going on in your life and what you hear about other people. If you don't want to talk about something, don't bring it up in the first place. If your best friend insists on hearing and you still don't want to talk about it, say: "You know you're my best friend; if I were going to tell anybody, it would be you. But I'm just not comfortable talking about it with anyone. I promise you'll be the first to know when I'm ready talk, okay?"
- Know that you'll probably go through rough patches. Bear in mind though that sometimes you will have to give them some space so that they can have time alone and think things through. Being a best friend means understanding when a little bit of time alone is a good thing.
If they tell you a secret, make sure to keep it. Never tell someone a secret your friend wanted you to keep. Don't even leak it out to someone you know you can trust. A secret is a secret.
- Know the difference between a harmless secret and a dangerous secret. Dangerous secrets not only threaten your friend's life, but it can also affect you as well. Despite the fact that your friend may not want people to know about her secret, it's best to tell your parents or a trusted adult about this. Keep in mind that your friend might have told you her secret because she is tired of keeping it to herself and she is silently asking for help.
- Keep your word. If you say you're going to do something, do it. Follow through with it. You know what they say: Talk is cheap. Let your best friend know that if you say you're going to do something, you don't ever back away.
- Don't gossip about your best friend. Don't say anything that might turn into a rumor. For example, if they had a crush on a cute guy/girl,they'd probably be embarrassed if you told someone. Make sure you know your best friend is okay with it if you do tell other people. Things like this are sometimes hard to do, but if you want a solid friendship you have to be willing to do them.
Stick up for your friend when they need it. Respect those times when they need to stick up for themselves. Trust your friend and allow yourself to be vulnerable with them. Through ups, downs, and disagreements, you'll still try to work things out and be their friend, truly demonstrating your loyalty.
- Say "no" when you need to while still being their friend. A friend of integrity is of great value. Tell them respectfully when you think they're wrong. The journey of life is about learning from your mistakes, not always needing to be right.
- If you don't learn to say "no" to your friend, it'll hurt your friendship more than improve it. Not only may your friend grow too reliant on you, but you'll also feel strained and angry.
Don't say mean things, whether it is right in their face or through a text. Apologize, but understand that it may take some time to get over what's happened. Let them cool down and talk to you when they are ready.
- Never leave the problem alone and pretend it doesn't exist. It will not fade, and it will eventually pop up again later. It's best to solve the problem while it's small before it grows bigger and more painful.
- If you two need help solving your problems, ask your parents or a trusted adult to help.
When your friend really needs something done, or a favor, be there for them. Help out. Think of how much they'd appreciate it. You never know when you'll be stuck between a rock and a hard place and might need someone (a good friend, maybe?) to bail you out.
Sitting and watching your best friend get picked on or teased is definitely not going to earn you a brownie badge!! If your best friend is getting seriously bullied and you're scared you'll get hurt if you get involved, then get help from a teacher or parents. If you can stick up for them without getting harmed yourself, make sure you do so. Imagine how you would feel if you were being picked on and a friend told everyone to shut up and clear off.
Hang out on the weekends or plan activities together every now and then, do some homework together, and chat during break at school. You don't have to live in each others' pockets, but make sure you spend some quality time together with your best friend to make the friendship grow and become stronger.
- Know that you'll probably have to sacrifice some of your time and maybe effort to be with your best friend. It should feel like something you want to be doing, even when it's hard.
Care for your best friend
If your best friend is upset, ask them what's wrong. They might not tell you straight away, but they should in the end. If they don't tell you, don't get angry at them: Understand that certain things are private, and trust that they'd be just as patient with you if you were in their shoes.
- Remind yourself that lending a helping hand to your best friend doesn't really cost you anything. It may not be easy to constantly comfort them or find advice to give, but know that your best friend would do the same for you in your time of need.
- If your friend is away from home, send them cards or care packages to show that you care. If they're sick, call them and ask how they are doing. Show them you appreciate their presence in your life. Write them notes to show that you care and are thankful for them, and ask about their lives. Share your own stories, but make sure you have time for them.
Our families are really important to us, even if they can sometimes be annoying, rude and pesky. Getting to know your best friend's family shows them that you appreciate where they come from, and that you're interested in knowing the people who are valuable in their life.
Sometimes best friends grow apart
Sometimes best friends grow apart
It's natural to stop having chemistry with a certain person. If you grow apart, for whatever reason, just be happy for the good times, and know how lucky you were to have that great person be a part of your life.
- If neither of you make an effort to get together, or if you get into fights with them for no reason, then maybe you weren't meant to be best friends. It's not anyone's fault. Maybe you two are too much alike. Who knows? You might just need a break from one another for a few weeks.
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