Did you know that over two million children are leaving the church each year when they reach adulthood? Some of the “wolves” that are devouring our “lambs” and a solution.
An old Chinese proverb says, "One generation plants the trees, and another gets the shade." You and I are still benefiting from the shade provided by trees planted by our parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents. We are shaded, to some degree, by their moral standards and spiritual commitment.
Delinquent from Birth?
What can we do to give our children the proper shade? The apostle Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:4. But before he gives us our responsibilities, he gives the children a few commands: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother (which is the first commandment with a promise), that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth"
God calls all children to be obedient and respectful. Obedience is the act; honor is the attitude. Neither come naturally, however. The Minnesota Crime Commission acknowledged that when it issued this report appointed by the governor back in 1926: "Every baby starts life as a little savage. He is completely selfish and self-centered. He wants what he wants when he wants it: his bottle, his mother's attention, his playmate's toys, his uncle's watch, or whatever. Deny him these and he seethes with rage and aggressiveness which would be murderous were he not so helpless. He's dirty, he has no morals, no knowledge, no developed skills. This means that all children, not just certain children but all children, are born delinquent. If permitted to continue in their self-centered world of infancy,given free reinto their impulsive actions to satisfy each want, every child would grow up a criminal, a thief, a killer, a rapist."
Don't Provoke Your Children
By saying "don't provoke your children," Paul was referring to the kind of behavior that exasperates or discourages your children so they become frustrated.
How do parents provoke their children? Here are some of the ways:
1. Overprotection. If you want to really frustrate your children, fence them in, don't trust them, and don't give them enough opportunity to develop any independence. When you prevent your children from taking any risks, you'll create in them an angry mood, especially when they consider what their friends are allowed to do. Don't forget that your children are people who need to learn to face life on their own. Give them some slack and they'll learn the best way kids learn: by hitting the wall now and then. But if you overprotect them, you'll exasperate them.
2. Favoritism. Don't compare your children with each other. Each is unique. Each is a gift from God. When you compare, the less-talented or less-popular child will be devastated. He or she will tend to become discouraged, resentful, withdrawn, and bitter.
3. Overemphasizing achievement. If you continually push them to excel, your children won't have a sense of having accomplished anything. Nothing ever seems good enough: if they get C's, you demand B's. If they get B's, you demand A's. And when they get A's, you still aren't satisfied. Such parents always find something to complain about.
4. Overindulgence. Give them everything they want. But the one time you don't, they'll have a fit. That attitude will carry on into adulthood, only then they'll be on the job. What will happen when they don't get the promotion or perk they think they deserve?
5. Discouragement. Tell them all the time that they'll never amount to anything, that they're useless and always in the way. Don't give them any rewards, any approval, or any honor. Eventually you'll either destroy their initiative or drive them to seek approval elsewhere.
6. Failure to make personal sacrifices. Leave them alone all the time. Make them fend for themselves. Make them fix their own meals, buy their own food and clothing, provide their own transportation. Don't take them places because you can't be bothered. Turn them into slaves around the house to do all your work. When you don't make any sacrifices for them, they'll resent you.
7. Failure to allow for childish limitations. Have you ever been at a table where a child spilled some milk and youthought the parents had just seen the Holocaust? Or the child makes a fanciful suggestion, and the parent tells him his idea is stupid? Let your children share some of their ridiculous ideas without criticizing them. Don't expect perfection, just progress.
8. Neglect. A youth pastor overheard his little boy in the backyard talking to a friend next door. The friend said, "I gotta go now--I'm going to the park with my dad." The little boy replied, "Oh, my dad doesn't have time to go to the park with me--he's too busy with other people's children." That comment shattered the pastor's heart, but it changed his focus. Don't neglect your children; be involved in their lives.
9. Physical and verbal abuse. Verbal abuse may not be as obvious a problem as physical abuse, but realize this: Your tongue is much sharper than a child's. With your superior vocabulary you're capable of using ridicule and sarcasm to slice up the poor child, just like you can beat him up because of your superior strength. The result of either will provoke your child to anger and resentment.
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